 |
| Our dog Jack- the smitten groupie |
Written by Mark Patinken
I was home alone with the dog the other day, and noticed something my dogs have often done when it’s just the two of us. He gazed at me like a smitten groupie. That’s always good for the ego. One seldom gets gazed at like that by a spouse or paramour. This is not meant to denigrate significant others, but often dogs are better company. For example, try to come up with a list of why men are better than dogs. The only one I can think of is men don’t shed. So today:
WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN SIGNIFICANT OTHERS:
• Thrilled whenever you arrive home.
• Never get mad when you’re late.
• They adore your cooking to a point of staring lovingly at whatever’s on the plate.
• They don’t have credit-card debt.
• Never tell you you’re putting on weight.
• They don’t criticize your driving,
• They don’t step on the imaginary passenger-side brake.
• Or get upset when you refuse to ask for directions.
• They don’t hold a grudge.
• Don’t get jealous when you pay attention to other dogs in their presence… actually they do. Scratch this one.
• Don’t care where you’re going; they just love to ride along.
• They don’t mind if you forget an important occasion.
• They pack light.
• They may drink out of ceramic toilets, but not out of plastic bottles or aluminum cans.
• They mean it when they kiss you. (Except for when you’re holding a biscuit at arm’s reach.)
• Don’t get upset if you call them by the wrong name.
• When they cry, you know the reason.
• Always happy to take a walk.
• You can train them.
• Don’t ask no-win questions, like, “Notice anything different ?”
• Never ask why you haven’t called, written or texted.
• Never sneak into your cell phone to see who else you’ve called, written or texted.
• They rest their chin patiently on your knee when you’re in a bad mood.
• Never say they’ll haunt you after they die.
• Never keep you waiting. Takes them less than 15 seconds to get ready to go out.
• Always happy to curl on the bed with you.
• They don’t mind a mess.
• Don’t give you a hard time if you ignore them.
• (Male item:) They actually prefer it if you leave the seat up.
• (Female item:) Uninhibited about expressing affection in public.
• They love you as much whether you make $500,000 a year or $10,000.
• Are never embarrassed by you, even if you sing in public.
• If you come home with the scent of another dog, they’re kind of intrigued.
• Are happy to clean up any food you drop on the floor.
And finally:
• One mood all the time.
HERE'S A FEW OF MY OWN THAT I'VE ADDED TO MARKS LIST:
* Our senior dog Chance still thinks and acts like he's a tennager- even though he's actually pushing 14. That's 65 in human years.
It is a common belief that 1 human year is equal to 7 dog years. That is not very accurate, since dogs reach adulthood within the first couple of years. The formula used above is from a canine expert and is a bit more accurate. (as accurate as one can judge these things) The formula is: 10.5 dog years per human year for the first 2 years, then 4 dog years per human year for each year after.
* Takes his house guarding job very seriously until I get home...then he can unwind and relax.
* If either Alison or I go out (for whatever reason) it's back to front door guard duty until whomever returns and we're both back safely at home.
*When old friends have stories to share about me, the stories are always about my dogs. They have certainly earned center ring with their unbelievable feats and deeds.
Do you have some lines to share about your smitten groupie? Please share them with us and add to the list. Thank you Mark for sharing your thoughts with us and thank you for reading!
